A few days passed and I thought Monica wouldn't call... until a week after... she told me her life had been a little crazy that week but everything was ok... she was calling me to invite me to have wine with a coworker of hers and listen to music... the first time I wasn't able to go, which made me fear that i'd lose her as a contact, but she understood and invited a second time. I arrived a little late because the liquor store was a little full... on a Tuesday night o_O. I arrived at her coworker's house around 9 p.m. ready to mingle some more. The girls were outside smoking a cigarette so I decided to join them. After the cigarette we decided to go in and her coworker received my wine and served me a cup from one they had already opened.
After settling in Monica explained to her coworker who I am and what I was doing. She asked to remain anonymous and asked that little be revealed about her persona. I don't get why they want to be sooo private about everything. I guess they feel that anyone can read this and assume it's them, and although it is in the internet, who knows this blog exist besides my classmates? Mind you... this coworker is from the restaurant, not the parties, which makes the whole thing even weirder. I'm respecting her wishes and only talking about the night.
Monica told me she had performed in a show the weekend that had just passed and was excited because it had been a complete success. Why didn't she invite me??? ugh, ok, we'll just hear about it... She told me about her outfit and everyone with her... it was basically like a skit musical style I guess... They would act out a fetish and they were quite creative about it... she had bought the corset and had a naughty professor/secretary outfit... the whole thing was pretty cool. People had to go in fetish-type clothes, no jeans allowed and no party clothes. Outfits had to be small and tight and sexy of course. There were a few acts that night, but she only told me about hers. There's no sex in the stage nor nudity, they do strip but to smaller pieces of clothing. Her coworker had gone in a skirt and tight cute shirt, not truly in fetish outfit but good enough to get in. She told me the whole thing was quite the experience, not a bad one for her, it was outside her boundaries but people were nice and easy to talk to. She went by herself because her husband was working and invited some of her friends. According to her everyone enjoyed it.
As more wine joined our conversation, Monica talked to me about her life since we first met (apparently a lot happened in a week). Her job at the restaurant was a little crazy because they are currently overstaffed so everyone is getting little hours, which is why she still does shows, to get some extra money. She was looking for a new place to live because where she lives now is going to be rented, or sold. The owner of the house cannot afford the house and therefore is going to move to a much smaller place, which means Monica won't fit and so she needs to start looking because she needs to be out of there by the end of the month. She was also having problems with the boyfriend who had, in some way, broken up with her. He told her that they live to far apart (about 45 minutes away) and things are just tough for both of them right now. I felt like it was time for me to give in my two cents as a woman who has been in similar situations but I quickly remembered what my purpose there was and held my comment. I also slowed down with the wine. It's not like I was drinking nonstop, but I still slowed down and payed attention. Her coworker decided to give it a try and gave her advice, for about 20 minutes. No biggie, I'm learning a lot, about different things, especially Monica. Monica's reaction to the advice was quite interesting, she didn't accept it nor reject it, she just moved on to the next thing.
We got into the conversation of movies that were coming out and they both seem to enjoy scary movies ( I do not) and Monica told me she wanted to see the Stepfather. The movie reminds her of the problems she has with her mom because of some issues that they've been having since Monica was young. She told us about her stepfather and how bad he used to beat her and how that damaged the relationship between her and her mom. Her attitude when she's telling a story, you hear anger in her voice and passion for the memory but you don't see her cry, or get teary-eyed, just tell the story. She told us how she ended up in a hospital after she was beat badly by this man and how even then her mom seemed not to care.
Monica is very open and we talked about other things like work, the economy, their children, etc. I was always attentive and tried to let them share and learn from them and not come in the way of the night. I left around 1 a.m. and we talked about doing it again. I have talked to her since then but I have not been able to meet. I passed by the Fetish Factory again and got into small talk with the guys, but they weren't interested in really having a conversation with me because they didn't want to be "studied" as one guy told me. Jessica was not there again and neither was Vermont girl. I tried my best to explain to the guys that this was about studying them but there was no convincing.
I must say that this experience has been on of a kind. I have learned about myself, about others, how to deal with difficult situations communicating with others, about people who are into fetishes and what their lives could be like, normal. I have learned to work on communicating ideas more effectively and not being afraid to ask questions, key point! This experience has taught me A LOT! and I'm extremely grateful to have been able to learn as much as I did in such little time, and from people who I never expected. Thank you, truly.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Journal 3 and the end of class
Ok, these past few weeks have been better! thank God... I think I have been suffering with what I've seen in class just because I've always considered myself to be the kind of person that can talk to anyone and looking at all these commercials made me feel like I needed to be way too careful and couldn't just do Melissa when reporting. I must say that these past two (three?) weeks made me realize that I was getting tools so that I could do a better job at doing Melissa and as a journalist. Ethnicities will always look out for their "kind" and even worst, for themselves, before anyone else. Now that I understand this I can do a better job because I understand that if a story breaks out and I need to talk to someone outside my ethnicity or race, I now know that they'll be hesitant to open up to me and may even not want to help me get the information I need. Now I can do a better job by asking better questions, being less judgmental, not being afraid to let them know that I may not know about their life (culture, ect) but that I'm truly interested, and treating people like they are people and not subjects, lab elements, or study pieces.
The readings were interesting, especially the last ones. It's interesting to see how other minorities supported a white woman for president more than they would a black man. I figured they would support Obama more than Clinton because they would more connected to him since he's also a minority. But that wasn't the case! not in all cases... the group's values are more important than the connections they could have with the candidate... like the Pakistani-Americans supporting McCain because of their conservative values which were more important than Obama's likelihood to understand their issues are minorities. They also spoke about how minorities were in favor of change, any change, whether it was directed towards their group or not. This really completely blows my mind! why? because I figured the would rather support another minority, I figured their values would be first to be represented by another minority, and that they would prefer changes to benefit them... and apparently none of my assumptions were right... which means there are more doors that should be opening so we could understand ethnicities better...
Like I said before, though, my cluelessness helps... now I know that minorities are in some ways less complex... they value their morals their highest and they will vote for those who sill support them first and foremost but they will also be willing to open up to new ideas and changes even if they don't explicitly pertain to their group because they feel that the change could include them by association.
The class all in all has taught me TONS! I think it truly is eye-opening... one thing is what i have experienced as a person meeting people from other ethnicities throughout my life and another VERY different is having my reporter eye opened to all the obstacles i could have had without this class and learning ways to overcome these obstacles and learning how to break down barriers naturally put up to get the story and the facts for that story... I appreciate my profession more and I feel better prepared for it... the best part is something I've shared before... this class is not a textbook class.. you cannot read a textbook and pass the class and end it with more or better knowledge... the only way to learn in this class is to do the work, read, speak, and experience everything we talk about in class... if I wouldn't have admitted my own perceptions and the way I judge people because of their color or ethnicity, I wouldn't have learned what I did. I had to face my own perceptions and open my mind to new and hopefully better ideas... and that's why I feel like I learned... and if others don't do the same, they will not get anything our of the class. Truly learned a lot and now I know what I need to do to learn even more.
The readings were interesting, especially the last ones. It's interesting to see how other minorities supported a white woman for president more than they would a black man. I figured they would support Obama more than Clinton because they would more connected to him since he's also a minority. But that wasn't the case! not in all cases... the group's values are more important than the connections they could have with the candidate... like the Pakistani-Americans supporting McCain because of their conservative values which were more important than Obama's likelihood to understand their issues are minorities. They also spoke about how minorities were in favor of change, any change, whether it was directed towards their group or not. This really completely blows my mind! why? because I figured the would rather support another minority, I figured their values would be first to be represented by another minority, and that they would prefer changes to benefit them... and apparently none of my assumptions were right... which means there are more doors that should be opening so we could understand ethnicities better...
Like I said before, though, my cluelessness helps... now I know that minorities are in some ways less complex... they value their morals their highest and they will vote for those who sill support them first and foremost but they will also be willing to open up to new ideas and changes even if they don't explicitly pertain to their group because they feel that the change could include them by association.
The class all in all has taught me TONS! I think it truly is eye-opening... one thing is what i have experienced as a person meeting people from other ethnicities throughout my life and another VERY different is having my reporter eye opened to all the obstacles i could have had without this class and learning ways to overcome these obstacles and learning how to break down barriers naturally put up to get the story and the facts for that story... I appreciate my profession more and I feel better prepared for it... the best part is something I've shared before... this class is not a textbook class.. you cannot read a textbook and pass the class and end it with more or better knowledge... the only way to learn in this class is to do the work, read, speak, and experience everything we talk about in class... if I wouldn't have admitted my own perceptions and the way I judge people because of their color or ethnicity, I wouldn't have learned what I did. I had to face my own perceptions and open my mind to new and hopefully better ideas... and that's why I feel like I learned... and if others don't do the same, they will not get anything our of the class. Truly learned a lot and now I know what I need to do to learn even more.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Listening Post 2
Somehow, in some way, things were off to a good start. Lunch happened and catch up time with a sister really cooled me down and I felt ready to go back in there!! I know I'm being a little over dramatic, but it happens some times. I arrived around 3 pm, yes! there were more people in there! more people to talk to, yes! but sad story.. jessica and Vermont girl weren't there, ah! there were two guys working the store... I figured I'd try to talk to them last... it'd be harder to start a conversation with them about a fetish community of anything related without getting into sticky situations... I thought... So I decided to look around. That's when I found someone who I thought was a new customer at the store, but oh was I wrong.
Her name is Monica, and the rest needs to be left out as she requested. She's 23 years old working on her bachelor's in History, little by little as she says. She works in a restaurant in Miami and lives with her 2-year-old daughter in her coworker's house along with the coworker's family. She's a regular at Fetish Factory and she actually used to work for it. She goes there mostly to find costumes for parties she performs in (I asked her if she knew my friend but she didn't, maybe it's not such a small world). She's performing soon and she's losing some weight so she needed new corsets (the ones there are gorgeous!! but expensive). I of course told her my purpose there and she didn't mind talking about her life or anything for that matter. She didn't have a whole lot of time so she asked me to move around the store with her. She gave the names of the people she talked to me about but she asked to keep their names from being published for their own protection.
She told me about her daughter and how her life changed when she came into the world. Monica was married to her daughter's father at the time her daughter was born. After a few months of her being born Monica found out her husband was being unfaithful and decided to separate and asked him for the divorce. The court asked them to go through couple's therapy but she refused, after finding out he was cheating she was set on staying away from him. No matter how long they had therapy for, she couldn't trust him again. The divorce is days from being official and she seemed to be extremely excited about it. She told me she knew how important it is to have your father around and she had not intention of separating her daughter from her father. Monica shared custody and the responsibilities of her daughter with her husband, but she told me she took complete care of her baby's financial needs and didn't receive a penny from her ex.
We kept on going around the store. She only needed a corset but she was definitely in the mood to talk and shop, yes! She told me about her job, jobs really, she definitely had more than one. She works in a restaurant during the week and she does fetish parties once or twice a month. I wondered how she made time for everything else! but she says it's all about planning well, and the show doesn't take much time either. She was the rough-sex kind of girl and had a new boyfriend she couldn't get enough of (what do you do with information like that?). She showed me pictures of her new boyfriend and told me she met him at one fetish show and according to her the connection was immediate. They have been dating for quite some time (about 5 months) but no one can really know because of the divorce that's still not finalized, but she couldn't wait to scream it to the world. He gets along with her daughter quite well and according to her he can't wait for her divorce to be finalized so they can start thinking about their future together.
I was so into the conversation I had forgotten about everything else there, although I accidentally bumped into them from time to time. The sales guys kept on looking at me like I'm a mega weirdo and Jessica and the Vermont girl never came. I talked to Monica some more and got her phone number, she didn't invite me to her house but she said because she lives with so many people she prefers to go out and meet people. We planned to get together some time in Miami in the near future. I tried to make some contact with the sales guys but they had a few costumers and I HAD to leave. My to-do list just got bigger, but I think this was a MUCH better visit. Monica was truly a great to talk to and I learned A LOT! from her, and truly, I learned the least about her fetish lifestyle, it was all about her personal life. Until next time...
Her name is Monica, and the rest needs to be left out as she requested. She's 23 years old working on her bachelor's in History, little by little as she says. She works in a restaurant in Miami and lives with her 2-year-old daughter in her coworker's house along with the coworker's family. She's a regular at Fetish Factory and she actually used to work for it. She goes there mostly to find costumes for parties she performs in (I asked her if she knew my friend but she didn't, maybe it's not such a small world). She's performing soon and she's losing some weight so she needed new corsets (the ones there are gorgeous!! but expensive). I of course told her my purpose there and she didn't mind talking about her life or anything for that matter. She didn't have a whole lot of time so she asked me to move around the store with her. She gave the names of the people she talked to me about but she asked to keep their names from being published for their own protection.
She told me about her daughter and how her life changed when she came into the world. Monica was married to her daughter's father at the time her daughter was born. After a few months of her being born Monica found out her husband was being unfaithful and decided to separate and asked him for the divorce. The court asked them to go through couple's therapy but she refused, after finding out he was cheating she was set on staying away from him. No matter how long they had therapy for, she couldn't trust him again. The divorce is days from being official and she seemed to be extremely excited about it. She told me she knew how important it is to have your father around and she had not intention of separating her daughter from her father. Monica shared custody and the responsibilities of her daughter with her husband, but she told me she took complete care of her baby's financial needs and didn't receive a penny from her ex.
We kept on going around the store. She only needed a corset but she was definitely in the mood to talk and shop, yes! She told me about her job, jobs really, she definitely had more than one. She works in a restaurant during the week and she does fetish parties once or twice a month. I wondered how she made time for everything else! but she says it's all about planning well, and the show doesn't take much time either. She was the rough-sex kind of girl and had a new boyfriend she couldn't get enough of (what do you do with information like that?). She showed me pictures of her new boyfriend and told me she met him at one fetish show and according to her the connection was immediate. They have been dating for quite some time (about 5 months) but no one can really know because of the divorce that's still not finalized, but she couldn't wait to scream it to the world. He gets along with her daughter quite well and according to her he can't wait for her divorce to be finalized so they can start thinking about their future together.
I was so into the conversation I had forgotten about everything else there, although I accidentally bumped into them from time to time. The sales guys kept on looking at me like I'm a mega weirdo and Jessica and the Vermont girl never came. I talked to Monica some more and got her phone number, she didn't invite me to her house but she said because she lives with so many people she prefers to go out and meet people. We planned to get together some time in Miami in the near future. I tried to make some contact with the sales guys but they had a few costumers and I HAD to leave. My to-do list just got bigger, but I think this was a MUCH better visit. Monica was truly a great to talk to and I learned A LOT! from her, and truly, I learned the least about her fetish lifestyle, it was all about her personal life. Until next time...
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